Don't Stop Halfway!

MamaCole participated in a weekly fire ceremony last night and I was taught a huge unexpected lesson about doing the work! Don't stop Halfway!!!

I was working with some very deep and severe trauma that had popped up. I looked at it for a long time and felt it deeply during my journey. I did all the things I thought I should in journey. Then, once done I began journaling my experience. I felt so proud and accomplished . I even had new affirmations and everything!! There was one HUGE problem!

You see during this journey I was actually bathing beat wounds off my little selves back! These wounds were inflicted because I shared my gifts of sight and communication with the dead at 6 years old with the public!!! As I bathed little Cheryl's deep wounds on her back the wounds began to heal. This was so damn magical, the water would sparkle as I squeezed the scrubby and her wounds were closing and were gone! Thinking I was done. I frigging walked away and left her in the tub!!! Who does that??? I've done this three other times during journeys with her all along thinking I was done!

What the actual hell? How was I done? Who leaves a 6 year old kid naked in a tub?? I abandoned her half healed!! What the actual hell did I do??

I didn't finish! Do you know I broke down so so bad. Here I treated little Cheryl the way everyone else did! On the surface she's fine , pat her on the head good job and walk away!!! I wasn't fine...I wasn't even close to fine! I was a huge ass mess!! Cold, wet, crying and still had soap in my hair!!

The feeling of abandonment has never left me. The feeling of bleeding and not being comforted or held returned like a vengeance. I could feel myself craving being held. As hard as it was my adult self returned to that damn tub with that sweet little 6 year old girl. She was slumped over head in hands. I turned her face with my hand and saw her eye to eye for he first time in any of these experiences. Those sweet beautiful big brown eyes looked into my soul!!! Cathartic, heart stopping, the purest healing I've ever experienced followed for a good 5 minutes. I grabbed a towel it had to of been the fluffiest softest towel I'd ever felt. Wrapped it around her, picked her up and gave her the biggest hug and snuggles. It was wild just like I did with my babies when they were little. I put her to bed in her 6 year old bedroom bed ( yes my old room) . Tucked her in kissed her forehead and even had her count to three and blow out the light!

Why on Earth am I telling you this incredible experience? Halfway!!! I stopped halfway for two years ! I've been pulled and journeyed to this exact trauma spot and didn't complete walking through it!! I fooled myself into saying yeah I bathed my wounds and saw them heal!! But did I really?? NOPE!! I was just touching the visible surface like the world does! To truly shift and heal we must go deeper than is comfortable! We don't always have to relive the trauma but we do need to address the enrergies and emotions we've attached to it.

We all carry darkness and trauma . It is what it is. If you want to live a life free from trauma and it's triggers just keep going. If you keep returning to a trauma trigger then there is still work to do!

Your healing is worth it!! MamaCole knows you can do it!!

Always remember MamaCole loves you!